Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Bay likes to escalate. This means that the second film is bigger, more explosive, more infantile, stupider, more lobotomized... maybe a little funnier. Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman used most of their intelligent ideas in the Star Trek prequel script, so in this Hasbro mishmash they have no choice but to dilute the really demented plot with decent gags and self-parodying one-liners. Which is nice - otherwise Revenge of the Tinsmiths would seem really unbearable to me. Even so, watching two and a half hours of destruction, confusing action and rushing concrete mixers is a solid impact on the nervous system. Especially because, compared to the first film, it's no longer ballbusting - it's hackneyed. The moment of surprise is there, so we get Emmerich's recipe "if you don't know what to do, blow up as much of the world's ropes as possible". At the end, the divine Michael Bay prepared his much-loved pathos in a raw state for me, for which I thank him and send him a tin kiss. I know that Michael Bay lovers will be drooling with happiness, but for a viewer, who, in addition to a ton of steel armor, also likes a little bit of thought put into things, this year's blockbuster is Star Trek. And that won’t change no matter what Michael Bay does. (19/06/2009)

I hate people. I’d like to help the Decepticons destroy that gang of worms that call themselves human kind. Movie theaters always used to be a place to escape from niggling reality, an oasis of peace and quiet where nobody spoke and let themselves be carried off to fantastic places with the help of a projector and a silver screen. But to conclude, so we can get on to the movie. If I meet that jerk who was spitting in my hair and talking about what was going to happen in the next scene once again, I’ll rip out his eyes and tongue. But, let’s get to the important things. Revenge is a full-blooded action popcorn movie which is slightly brought down by the unnecessarily intricate mythology (which is full of holes anyway). It would have helped if it had been a little briefer. In any case, the action is excellent and mainly it’s less confused that in the first part. The fight in the forest is unbeatable. The finale is nice and completely over the top with loads of robots, where the only downside it that the movie pays too little attention to them. Bay simply wanted to do everything at once, but it wasn’t really worth it (well, in money terms it was actually worth it, but I didn’t mean that). It’s still effective, but it isn’t how it should be. As for the actors, Shia is cool, his character is split between two images of Sam - a poor student with typical problems and a veteran who has some experience behind him - and he pulled it off with flying colors. Moreover, both he and John Turturro were the only ones with really good snappy lines and their scenes together are the best parts of the movie (apart from the FIGHTS). And Megan Fox is foxier than ever. I just hope that in part three they manage to balance the ingredients so that it could rock like it did before. P.S.: Optimus is awesome. (23/07/2009)

Michael Bay has transformed himself into his own genre, where he has made his own rules that physics, logic, and even Spielberg himself cannot affect. On the other hand, no one else has such perfectly stitched visuals with slow-motion shots of the characters' hellishly serious faces, military formations, and the setting sun with heroic music blaring. It’s off the rails, without a drop of judgment and a sense of calm. And with the overblown runtime, it hits the viewer with the vigor of a little cheeky brat whose rich parents bought him a lot of toys from Hasbro and he doesn't know what to do with them out of mischief. So there are explosions everywhere and in between all this we have Shia and Megan, who just happen to look good again. I admit that I have probably never felt so awkward after leaving the movie theater for having actually liked this. But I don't want to see it a second time, not without the assistance of the big screen. PS: Even after a second viewing, it's still surprisingly entertaining. In a perversely demented way, but it's fun. :) (23/06/2009)

Hm. I saw a lot of action, but sometimes I just didn't know who was with who, where is what. The beginning was decent, I enjoyed it, but then it went downhill, although the action and noble gestures increased. Too bad, I just wasn't enjoying it. Anyway, if I were a guy I'd add a star for Megan Fox's cleavage, those running scenes, they really could have used some slow motion, eh? X-) But then again, I didn't expect more from it, so no disappointment. Definitely worse than the first one. The message "love and peace and memories" was sent again, so I'm expecting another installment. (22/07/2009)

Naked robot genitals across the screen. Robot Jar Jar Binks in duplicate. Optimus "Conan" Prime. Devastators remake of the scene with Legolas on the Oliphaunt. “Mythology". A fire farting and leg rogering little robot. A huge, rusk robot with a walking stick who (for a change) farts out a parachute. A camp pug. A cowardly Megatron. Silicon heaven not included. Bay simply let rip. What else do you expect. Unlike the second Bad Boys, he let rip in the wrong direction. Seriously infantile. Michael, I want those politically incorrect brothers back, not prattling midgets... um, midgibots! (23/06/2009)