Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

I really didn't expect such a bad outcome. An incredibly clichéd film where nothing really works. The action is dull and unremarkable, the actors are average, the editing is boring and meaningless, the plot is the overused cliché of “we form a team – sail towards the goal – we win or lose”. I don't even have to mention how these PG13 pirates look. The only thing worth watching is Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz. Now, asking 50 million for the main role also requires balls of iron. Rob Marshall is not a director for adventurous action films. Pirates # 4 is a huge piece of shit, and it's also overpriced and unnecessary. A purely money-driven film without a drop of love for the craft. (04/06/2011)

It's as if someone has fixed your once-upon-a-time favorite theme park attraction for the fourth time. You’ll be entertained by old friends, at times you will be delighted by new ones, your eye will get tired of the effects, your ear will endure the moments when someone speaks and somehow you will partly laugh through it, and partly suffer through it to the end. The most significant feeling it will leave in you after you get out is that you were quite bored. PS: Half a day after watching it, all I remember is the raucous music, the perpetually drunk Depp, and Penelope’s cleavage. An elegant quarter-billion-dollar experience. (20/09/2011)

Ten minutes before the end of On Stranger Tides, I remembered that I was wearing 3D glasses and that the film was (probably) in 3D (it was an IMAX projection). And the only thing I will remember from this a month later is the mermaid scene. The rest is just fluff, exploiting the success of the franchise, the actors and Hans Zimmer’s music. I’m only giving it three stars because the film is playful and harmless. In terms of viewer experience, though, it deserves only two stars because it’s boring. How come so many makers of B-movies know how to come up with innovative and refreshing ideas, and the Hollywood elite behind this doesn’t? (19/05/2011)

Given the discreet aura of unsuccessful sequels, which unfairly burdened the second and third parts, a change on multiple fronts was probably the only solution. Gone is the escalating complexity of various intrigues or last-minute pulling of key characters out of the hat. And although I have always enjoyed this approach, I must admit that returning to the classic pirate escapade, in which Jack Sparrow mainly pulls the strings in key moments, is an idea worth all the money. Marshall's academic pedigree successfully builds upon Verbinski's legacy. (21/09/2011)

Almost a week since the screening, I'm downgrading it to two stars. A two-hour recycling of ideas is how I would describe the fourth Pirates. I love the first Pirates movie, I love the second one, and I admire the third one for being SO huge and full of all the amazing things to look at (besides the pathos) ... But what to make of the latest sequel? My biggest regret is that there's almost nothing in the film that I haven't seen in the previous ones. Sparrow's escape in London is reminiscent of the Curse of the Black Pearl, and we’ve also already seen the sword-fight between the "two Jacks", Captain Blackbeard's ship with its "zombified" crew seems belong to Davy Jones' ship, "the race" to get certain artifacts is also too similar to the unwinnable battle for Jones's heart from Dead Man's Chest, the (funny) escape with palm trees reminded me of the escape from the island of man-eaters... And I could go on. The major problem is simply the unimaginative, unfunny script. It also offers a bland storyline with a young priest (of course he has to be sexy), a bland Penelope Cruz and completely useless cameos by Keith Richards or Judi Dench, and it is full of stupidities (balancing on a shipwreck) and is unbelievably boring during the passage on Blackbeard's ship. Verbinski's idea-packed direction is just noticeably absent here. The film is saved by the actors (the scenes with Johnny Depp, Kevin McNally and Geoffrey Rush are the best of all, and it's a pity there are so few of them; Ian McShane is also good), Zimmer's fresh-sounding music, the really great scene with the mermaids and the breaking off of the stalactite tip... But there is not much else to write home about. I would say that this one will be more enjoyed by people who haven't had the pleasure of seeing the previous films. I didn't have much fun, and that's a shame. (18/05/2011)