Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

So I've been kicking it around in my head and I’m going to stick with the highest rating. I got everything I'd expect from a new Star Wars installment, the original atmosphere wasn't compromised, and actually the whole thing was enjoyable to watch. I can understand diehard fans being annoyed that the filmmakers are accommodating the viewer so much, making the legend more readable for those who only come to the film by chance. But isn't that kind of a logical step? We can debate whether it's right or not. For me, it's a weaker 5 stars. (18/12/2019)

About halfway through, it was an excellent, brisk fairytale that made sense and delivered a refreshing joke here and there. Without any irony, it was fine. But from the moment Rey's origins were revealed, it magically became a horribly stupid, bizarre, clichéd, clueless piece of idiocy that would have been beautifully parodied by Monty Python if they still were around. I suffered like an animal, hiding my head in my hands and counting the minutes until the end of the second half. When Finn says "I can feel it.", I had a fit of laughter; not joyful, but despairing, disbelieving at what I was seeing and hearing. I can't believe the pervasive pathos in the ending is the work of someone as clever as Abrams, didn't he maybe suddenly go on vacation and let Emmerich take control instead? I can totally see the brainstorming session of Disney executives gathered around the table, panicking about how best to blow it so as to avoid the miserable box office results of the eighth installment (an excellent one, by the way, I still stand by that). That one at least offered a bold detour, took things in its own way and unfortunately stumbled. So Disney has cowardly negated the whole thing, stood it on its head, nonsensically incorporated old themes and characters, and the result is the proverbial stew cooked by a dog and cat that makes your tummy hurt, and not even charcoal will help you. (21/12/2019)

The curse of this trilogy is that obviously none of the bigwigs knew exactly what they wanted to achieve. Of course, the seventh episode elegantly ironed out the kinks after the second trilogy and told a similar story to the new generation as the original trio of films. Then Johnson came and, believing that he needed some courage at Disney, began making radical decisions and shifts. But a wave of hate swept over him and Abrams is returning to help out. This time, however, his bet on certainty did not work out for him. The film has a frantic pace and suffers from the complete absence of logic and an excess of "I do it because I am inspired to do so" moments. It's almost absurd how the screenwriters deal with each problem through a narrow escape with unclear motivations (then you just sadly watch the Knights of Ren wander the galaxy like a bunch of idiots with oversized weapons) and the revelation of some of the old canonical figures, who have to approve every fart of any of the incompetently-acting new characters. The film purposefully killed Rey, who was given a surprising twist by Johnson, and he has no idea what to do with the supporting characters at all. Without Kylo Reno, the trilogy would bring absolutely no benefit and no dramatic arc. Yeah, it's filmed competently and it’s nice to look at. But the magic is gone. And it's not just the result of fan service. Abrams didn't do that well, either. It's the result of the fact that no one knows what this trilogy was supposed to do. Other than the fact that it was supposed to make billions. (20/12/2019)

Disney reap what they sow, and it's not a pretty sight. Episode VII bet on nostalgia, so I've forgiven the new boring protagonists. Episode VIII took a different direction, but the studio found they didn't like where it went. So in Episode IX they try to fix everything from the previous film and we're with Rey, Kylo Ren, Poe and Finn for the third time and they're actually still utterly boring and empty characters. And now, as a viewer, I am supposed to be interested to see how they turn out. I just don't give a shit. J.J. Abrams isn't actually wrapping up a trilogy here, his main job is to clean up the mess that came from not knowing what they wanted at Disney. He may have done the best job he could, but that doesn't change the fact that whenever there’s no action and Rise of Skywalker attempts some emotion and relationships, it's awfully boring and annoying. The movie has no foundation to build on in that regard and out of desperation even has to make up new rules for how the world works. And yet it fails to evoke any emotion other than a sense of giant disappointment. The ninth Star Wars did succeed at something I didn't think could ever be accomplished. They stifled my enthusiasm for the franchise. I sure as hell hope not forever. (19/12/2019)

The 4 billion acquisition must be great, but it's also the most expensive funeral in history for a pop culture icon who, in his eagerness to please everyone, has stagnated in place, and is pathetically floundering in the shit that zero dramaturgy and auteurist belligerence got him into. When I looked at my watch after an hour, the question of whether something was about to happen was inevitable. And then the floodgates of pathos, platitudes, and the easiest solutions were raised, where someone should have hit the table at the writing stage and shouted that nobody could take such a shit seriously. Instead, it ended up on the screen. Johnson may have disrespected the canon and boldly relativized all that this religion entails. Abrams respects nothing and the result is a ridiculous nothingness that lacks good characters and cool moments, making it look like a generic Marvel movie - obviously expensive, colorful, frilly - but lacking passion and any iconic monument for future generations. Burn in hell, Disney, and all of you who have anything to do with it! (19/12/2019)