Fifty Shades of Grey

I can’t shake the feeling that marketing-wise, this is the most lucrative slushy romance I’ve ever seen. And I only watched it because I expected some sort of a breakthrough in the world cinematography. But nothing happened except for one strange relationship that doesn’t really show us anything; just a bit of whipping and one very modest torture chamber. Dorian Gray might be a psycho, but he still acts rationally and so nothing truly bad happens to Dakota. The ending was weak because I know that Dakota’s dominance won’t last very long. (12/03/2015)

A movie that starts five minutes before the end credits with the only scene that evokes any emotion. The rest is too Harlequin romance-like and shallow to engage viewers and allow them to relate to the characters in any way or to have any interest in observing the evolution of their “relationship”. Dakota Johnson’s acting is OK and natural. Jamie Dornan is not natural and his acting is reminiscent of Ben Affleck in Armageddon. And everything falls apart with him because his complicated and wannabe opaque character is supposed to be the core of the film, just as Sharon Stone was the core of Basic Instinct. Or at least I hope that the book is based on psychology and not flying helicopters and cars given as gifts. The contract negotiation scene shows the only spark of the director’s creativity in this gray, gray void. But it is irrelevant to the film as a whole. The most characteristic scene here is the one involving playing the piano after the loss of virginity… Personally, I was pleased by the answer “Me” to the question “And what will I get out of it?” Because I, ever impatient, never knew how to answer this particular question and always opted to move on to find a different, more experienced candidate. (17/02/2015)

Music good, cinematography awkward, equally awkward performance by Jamie Dornan. Dakota was still okay, but nothing great under the sun. The beginning was really a mouthful, I thought I wouldn't be able to finish it, but I endured simply because of masochism. An erotic film that tries to have some psychological overtones, but that gets pretty lost in the superficial beginning and middle (god I was getting hysterical fits of laughter at some of the dialogue and "thrills"). Basically, it only starts to get interesting at the end, when Ana realizes that she's not very happy, she starts to have her doubts about the whole sex trip. Despite all the stupid lines, and a couple of fairly well played verbal exchanges, it wasn't the horrible movie I thought it would be in the end. (13/04/2015)

I didn't have any preconceptions and I thought that it couldn't be as bad as they say. But it was. Two hours of shallow boredom revolving around a theme that tells me absolutely nothing and after watching it hasn't started to say anything and won't start to, plus a rather unsympathetic dummy in the lead role and his handsome, but extremely bloodless partner. However, on the other hand, I understand that Fifty Shades has found its audience and will continue to do so, because many people seem to crave such adventures. So please, go ahead, I won't disturb you in this game room. (26/07/2015)

Pretty Woman 2. Over time, everyone waves their hand over it as shallow and often predictable when it captures the current times so accurately, with a hint of irresistible glamour. But now it's trendy to complain about how uninteresting the erotica is and how bland the acting is, while these are rather unjustified jabs in the style of "the crowd says it's crap, so I say it too". We will see what reflection society will have apart from traditional Bond films in 2035, but by then Fifty Shades of Grey will definitely be close to being in the red numbers, if FilmBooster and the internet as we know it today still exist at all. (15/06/2015)