Hell Island

So, let’s summarise: A group of Greek immigrants producing trash films in Los Angeles saw A Nightmare on Elm Street and said to themselves that they would satisfyviewers’ hunger for similar flicks. They decided to approach their work in grand style, so they blew most of the budget on paying choreographer Toni Basil, whom they inexplicably cast in one of the lead roles, and the band Devo, which ultimately did not particularly distinguish itself on the soundtrack. And, of course, it was necessary to cast a Playmate who would willingly shed her t-shirt whenever necessary. However, that left hardly anything in the piggy bank for the group of pitiable thirty-somethings who would play teenagers, one stuntman to set on fire, one outhouse explosion and a very small handful of gore effects and masks. And, of course, one of the first budget items dissolved in the preceding list was the screenwriter’s fee. When the filmmakers furiously brainstormed about how to add another attraction to their hopeless project, they came up with the idea of shooting the whole thing on Alcatraz, because they would thus already have great locations and interiors at the price of apparently low rent (a condition of which was that they had to shoot at night so as not to get in the way of sightseeing tours). But because the rent still cost something, they decided to use absolutely all of the shots of the old prison that they had taken. The resulting film is ideal as a drinking game with the following rules: Have one small shot whenever there is a shot of the bay with Alcatraz or any of the prison grounds and building, but you must have a double when the concrete railing or the façade with windows appears. You are guaranteed to have alcohol poisoning by the end of the film. (03/11/2019)