Godzilla vs. Kong

Let's face it, Godzilla films across more than half a century have never been the pinnacle of intellectualism, but whether they were the work of Ishiro Honda, Jun Fukuda, or Takao Okawara, they were entertaining fairy tales, just overwrought and teetering on the edge of an awkwardness below which they never fell. But here the stupidity of the mythology is literally bursting through the door, everything revolving around those teenagers and that black guy who played it absolutely horrible (oops, didn't I just write something politically unacceptable?) was a torture to watch, so all that's left are the fights, which are surprisingly scarce, and all the highlights are revealed in the trailers. But to be fair, the fights between the ape, the lizard and the Mechagodzilla are excellent, lush, clearly delivered and hats off to Wingard for the way he directed them. Just a shame about the script, which was probably written by fanboys with wet teenage dreams. (05/04/2021)

A review from the perspective of a sweaty intellectual who has never left the house, after the 10th Mank and Nomadland without any knowledge of Kaiju, convinced that it is another artistic black and white romantic drama full of emotions, erotica, long shots, lyricism, allegories, and character development, and is ultimately horrified by the result. Oh well. I was hoping that we would watch Godzilla as a housewife drinking wine and constantly taking pills, taking care of four little Godzilla-cubs, and soon a man would come into her life and change it. Yes, King Kong in a tailor-made Armani suit. He is respected lawyer currently dealing with a dark case in the King Skull Tribunal, travels across the country and sees emotionally exhausted Godzilla in a picturesque cafe. Love at first sight, deep romance, emotions to the bone, she doesn't mind at all that King Kong is black because she is not racist, but on the other hand, she is strongly pious and has a dark, drug-filled past. They both experience the most beautiful moments of their lives, but soon there is a crisis that culminates like in The War of the Roses, and, in a plot twist, Godzilla learns that King Kong is actually gay and a spineless scum. Unfortunately, the drama does not unfold with intense atmosphere and an emphatic portrayal the characters, sighed the intellectual sadly. Once every two years, a proper monster movie comes out and it's a problem, but the fact that 400 dramas and soap operas are released annually for a few euros, that's fine. Finally, a movie where I don't have to watch the clock, I don't look around in boredom, thinking that a spider is crawling on the wall, and I won't fall asleep until I finish the last bite of popcorn. The action is properly grand, epic, the fights have verve, the journey to the center of the Earth is more original than another movie about a man with Alzheimer's. The clash of the two titans is definitely more interesting than another dull story, of which there are plenty, and whoever doesn't like it can go watch Malcolm & Marie. 8/10. (01/04/2021)

By this axe I rule! A perfect movie for kids, quoting from old Verne books. The story combines Japanese cartoons from the sixties with the screenplay for Batman v Superman (spoiler: instead of Martha there is a flashy: "I don’t give a shit…"). Both fights are a feast for the eyes. Inventive, dynamic and beautifully filmed. This calls for a movie theater. Whether it is the lights of Hong Kong or paddling in the water, the action looks like a wet dream of all (once child) monster movies fans. Damn the physics and the listless characters. You don’t go to the theater to see a movie like this because of the logic. To the movie theater. Sniff. Whiskey is a savior. I’ll have another... (02/04/2021)

The most useless CGI fest of the year, where the characters suck and the script sucks. Technically, Godzilla vs Kong draws heavily on its predecessors and offers absolutely nothing extra. Kong Skull Island, for example, was technically imaginative and delightfully mysterious. This sequel didn't necessarily have a brain, but it could have at least honored the previous installments, or the Godzilla film from 2014. (17/04/2021)

Godzilla vs. Kong is about... whatever. It's just about getting a giant ape and a giant lizard in the same place and letting them smash each other's faces in for twenty minutes. The action is energetic, visually arresting and, thanks to the great cinematography, entertaining. Everything around it, i.e. the universe-building efforts, the old and new characters and the dialogue, is nothing but filler for the time between waiting for the next fight. Both King Kong and Godzilla are better than that. But they're really good at the action this time. (05/04/2021)