Blood for Dracula

There are no more virgins in Romania and Dracula has to leave :-D… The premise is funny, Udo Kier is charismatic with his picturesque accent, but nothing great otherwise. I have a problem with most films about Count Dracula, I find them pointless because I’ve already seen that story done much better, but this hungry vampire deserves the three stars. (15/06/2010)

The early 1920s. The workers are revolting, Russia has been taken over by the proletarian revolution, and you can only find an honest girl with a compass – in short, times are changing. But what is the centuries-old Count Dracula to make of it, benefiting from the emeritus traditions of noble ethics that have so far allowed him to draw energy from a veritable supply of virgin blood? On the advice of his adjutant, they go to Italy thinking that this God-fearing country logically has an ever-running fountain of virginal whores (LOL), but bad luck, bad luck, everywhere a whore in sheep's clothing. And how else, with a Marxist gardener laying it all out there with a spread collar so wide he can barely move his arms. This mustang, who gives the impression that humiliating the noblewomen is actually as necessary to him as virgin blood is to Dracula then actually acts as their last hope, as he's the only one around with the instant potency to deprive Dracula of his only hope of regaining his desperately lacking energy. His catchphrases like "Where is your sister? I want to rape the hell out of her." referring to a 14-year-old girl, or scenes where he rapes his way from "No, no, no!" to "I love you" in a single take is sure to leave not a single lap dry. Opposite him stands a shriveled and infirm Dracula, who is now almost immobile and must stoop to sucking virgin blood through bread or licking it directly from the ground after involuntary deflowering, depicting the final stages of a panting bourgeoisie in the face of a new world. Blood For Dracula is a dud that's better talked about than watched, but it's certainly a crucial contribution to the whole vampire issue, presenting us with the Count again in a different position. Daylight and crucifixes don't kill him, they just sort of piss him off, and non-virginal blood safely sticks his head in the john. It's strange that the devil's damned Dracula actually belongs so much to the age of innocence and has no chance of surviving outside of it. (22/03/2020)