Necrotongue

An excellent film that will have you laughing out loud, unless you’re a sensitive person in which case it’ll make you sick to your stomach. The Norwegian filmmakers went all out and punched up what could have been a run-of-the-mill home invasion so well that it would make even Quentin Tarantino proud. But he probably would have wished there were two hours more of talking:-) It was a very violent film, parts of human anatomy were cruelly cut, stabbed, shot, chopped, torn, and shattered, lying around in both a solid and a semi-liquid state, and yet there was still room for a considerable amount of quality (mostly black) humor. If Noomi Rapace's character hadn’t exhibited T-1000 resistance, I would have given the movie five stars. But it still deserves a strong four. 4*+

Either I'm resistant to fear (which I don't think so), or contemporary filmmakers are incapable of making an actual horror movie. The basis was good; there was a haunted house and an even scarier stone box, and… that’s it. The filmmakers were obviously trying to create an atmosphere full of tension, but they failed in this respect. I was quite bored by the film. The pair of hideous, murderous, white heterosexuals did fit the current trend, but I would have been more scared of Greta. And the monster? It was more funny than scary, but if I were a virgin, I'd probably stay one and steer clear of women.

What a disappointment. For a crime film, it lacked atmosphere and suspense, there wasn’t enough humor for a comedy (a Polish variation on Inspector Clouseau doesn’t count as humor), and it wasn’t much of a drama either. It was a hodge-podge of various genres (even a bit of romance), but everything seemed to be half-baked. I don’t even think the premise had the potential of being turned into something worthwhile. 2*-

I wasn't quite sure if the Polish filmmakers could step into the same river for a third time without it negatively affecting the quality of the story. They couldn't. The cast was still good, though. A serious illness was sneakily added to the mix this time to keep me from feeling good. I’m not saying I didn't have fun at all, but the humor couldn’t possibly balance out the ridiculous number of emotional moments and silly scenes. The Poles repeated the mistake they had made with the Letters to Santa trilogy. In both cases, two movies would have been more than enough.

No, you asshole! I apologize, but that was the mildest possible reaction to what I saw. I don't know if I will see a worse Czech movie this year. I hope not. From the opening dialogue between the main character (?) and his mother, I was pretty sure that I wouldn't enjoy this. And I was not mistaken. The dialogues were terrible, yet at the same time, they became the extremely entertaining element of this masterpiece. Allow me to give two examples of what, among other things, was said in the conversations. "I feel like I died and the whole world stopped caring about me." and "Doctors said that if it was just a millimeter off, it would have been game over for me." Well, yes, sure. The individual characters were developed so perfectly that I couldn't care less about them. Only one character caught my attention more than the others. It was the tough guy Taz, who was tougher than the tough guy Drsoň from Drsoňovice. Compared to Taz, sandpaper would seem like silk and Batman would flee to the shadows out of shame. I don't know if Daniel Miňovský used any psychotropic substances when writing the script, or if he is naturally like that, but this creation of his is truly incomprehensible to me. Pure shit. The director's surname will only be accepted by my brain with an English pronunciation from now on, the acting performances are not worth mentioning, so I can summarize the final impression with one word - disaster. P.S. Great commentary/content by Matty. I applaud and envy you:-))

The second trip to this peculiar planet didn't bring as much humor as the previous installment, but I still had a decent time. I was happy to see that the filmmakers dialed the melodrama back a bit, so I didn’t feel as if tears were wrung out of my eye sockets. Even the ending was hilarious rather than heart-rending. But still... Did it have to be a plane again? Seriously? Talk about overdone. Well, never mind. Less humor + less of a sob story = a weaker four stars. 4*-

I was surprised at how bad this movie was. The romance was pushed to the background in favor of comedy. But the movie was trying to be funny at all costs, and the quality paid the price. The whole thing was very uncomfortable to watch, and the ninety minutes of this travesty seemed more like four hours. 2*-

Seventy-five percent of the running time was funny, with decent acting performances, and an entertaining (though unoriginal) plot. True, the remaining quarter was composed of clichés and tugging at your heartstrings, but I guess that's what you get when you decide to watch a romantic movie. The viewer must shed a tear, even if it has to be done by way of torture. However, I rarely manage to burst out laughing at the mere line: "Occupied." The Poles have succeeded, and they deserve a fourth star for that.

Based on the title alone, I suspected that I wouldn't be the right target audience for this experience. I'm not really a fan of lawn keepers or other dimwits, so I didn't have any expectations whatsoever. But surprise, surprise, I actually enjoyed myself quite a bit throughout the whole thing, especially during the scenes with the duo Hoffman/Noha playing the detective/transporter pair. Seriously, I was expecting garbage worthy of the trash can, but surprisingly I got garbage that made me laugh and entertained me with its joyful disregard for political correctness. How else would I get acquainted with an advertisement for Down's syndrome that, if I upset someone, would eat my dog? 3*+

Another Czech comedy. I don't expect much from these movies anymore, but still, I had a feeling that there was a lack of humor. On the other hand, there were too many usual suspects appearing. Lately, I've gotten used to seeing men portrayed as a bunch of stupid, insensitive neanderthals (except for gays and non-white people), but this movie gave me a different impression. I think if I were a woman (or better yet, a mother), this depiction of women would have really upset me. Sure, there are women like that, just as there are the aforementioned neanderthals, but still... As I mentioned, there was either too little humor or it just didn't resonate with me, but I laughed three times (the life annuity scene amused me a lot). Among the actresses, Sandra Nováková impressed me the most with her performance. All in all, it could have been much worse.