Gor

Even by the standards of Cannon Films, this must have been a tremendously cheap production. Gor is the worst kind of post-Tolkien fantasy. Two-thirds of the film is taken up by quarrelling, during which nothing actually happens. Furthermore, everything is so shoddily filmed that one cannot even enjoy a bit of malicious glee at the expense of the actors involved. And in this case, there would be plenty to gorge oneself on – even the great Jack Palance and Oliver Reed had to pay their bills, so there they stood alongside demon fighter Urbano Barberini, playmate Rebecca Ferratti, Bud Spencer imitator Paul L. Smith and 1990s bad guy Arnold Vosloo. Other aspects of the film also offer the promise of campy fun, from the demented story itself about a nerdy teacher who is transported by a magical stone to another planet, where he can demonstrate his sword-wielding heroism, to the ridiculous costumes and the hopeless sword fights with “just wave it around a bit” choreography. But it’s an exercise in futility, as everything is engulfed in desperate boredom, which cannot be alleviated even by assiduously bombastic music that constantly roars through all of the miserable torpidity. (28/03/2015)