John Carter

Hollywood is a place of endless possibilities and the most bizarre encounters. Cowboys & Aliens didn’t do so well, so why not throw “Mannequins and White Monkeys” at viewers… A major positive of this remake of Turkish Star Wars is that it is capable of self-irony in its embryonic state. The jokes at the film’s own expense problematise (but do not preclude) the acceptance of the position of a being that intellectually towers high above the trash presented here. Carter’s endless interest is abandoned right from the start just so that the filmmakers can use the hero’s unfamiliarity with his new environment to situate him on the level of Martian toddlers and, in light of their high technical level, the “jumpy” action scenes are helped rather than hurt by the fact that Stanton uses live actors as if they were animated characters. For the same reason, the film’s most entertaining “hero” is a hyperactive half-tonne dog. The timing of the crucial moments is rendered according to the handbook for novice screenwriters, while the wooden acting and fast-food philosophising with a glaring attempt to justify mass murder (what’s the fuss when it’s for a good cause and the poor perpetrator is driven by personal trauma?) simultaneously serve as ammunition for those who consider contemporary American genre movies to be an evil comparable to the near extermination of the buffalo and the invention of Facebook. As a result, we can alternately enjoy how the film is both self-aware and unaware of its own silliness. Really, I can’t come up with enough rational arguments to form a shield that would deflect the comments of those who consider John Carter to be a feeble-minded mess. But no one can take those two hours of spectacular entertainment and reminiscing about reading adventure novels from my grandfather’s library away from me. Thanks also to nostalgia, this time I didn’t get the unpleasant feeling that comes with the knowledge that something so exceedingly lame must have cost $250 million to make. 80% (07/03/2012)

A princess (from Mars) and I have been catapulted into a world inhabited by little green men, where they shoot with ray-guns and they have funny-looking dogs. Exactly as I had imagined. John Carter is pure pulp fiction, the type I grew up on (I read two books from the Carter series). Maybe it leans more toward being a fairytale, but the important thing is that the story is nicely predictable, easy to follow and entertaining. It was one of the first of its genre and finds it really difficult to come up with something original, but Stanton did a good job anyway. I didn’t have much trust in Taylor Kitsche before seeing this movie, but he surprised me, as did Lynn Collins and the greenies. The monsters didn’t have that Star Wars stamp on them and they certainly are no substitute but stand alone in their own right. Carter is passable as a piece of history. What a nice wedding it was. (20/03/2012)

I resisted the John Carter phenomenon for many years, but the beauty of Dejah Thoris is immense, and in the Dynamite comics, it's also an enjoyable read. It was thus necessary for me to watch the film that was released for the 100th anniversary. The opening scenes, admittedly, are not great, and the introduction to the complex plot unfolding on several levels is not entirely successful. But once this predecessor to Superman and Star Wars rolls into one, it's awesome. The excitement of a pre-World War I future, the fascination with the unsuspected possibilities of craters on Mars - all these aspects are there for the taking and entice us. (27/06/2019)

A cool and watchable fantasy snack. The great visual and sound effects, the captivating sets and an interesting alien setting greatly support a slightly routine story that can no longer be taken seriously these days. Taylor Kitsch is ok, but Jake Gyllenhaal could have been better. Otherwise, I can’t complain. the two hours passed like water, Lynn Collins has beautiful eyes, and John Carter boldly aspires to be not only the best popcorn movie of the year, but also the most visually enchanting spectacle since the lush and magical Prince of Persia. 75% (20/09/2012)

John Carter was great. What’s brutal is that there are still some nutjobs in Hollywood who don’t mind drowning a quarter of a billion dollars in a movie. The important thing is that the director used this money to make such a perfect phantasmagoria, which in its own way even makes some sense. Sure, there’s much of objectively crazy nonsense, but in the context of such a fantasy movie it can be forgiven. I haven’t seen anything like this for a long time and I really enjoyed it. Also mainly because I really like such films, but they are terribly rare. The actors were great, the rendition absolutely perfect. What more to add? Maybe just the fact that I would like to see a sequel, but that’s probably quite unlikely. (09/01/2013)