Ninja Assassin

Sometimes when watching certain films, I wonder if the filmmakers are aware of what kind of garbage they are actually making. Ninja Assassin made me ask this question every five minutes. It's hard to nitpick specifics when one understands that this was clearly meant to be an A-list battle royale in an MTV fashion outfit that doses out tons of digital blood instead of make-up. Yet the film is ridiculous in its naivety, presenting themes of ancient martial arts, unfulfilled love, and conspiracies of evil corporations and governments. A hysterical black woman is forcibly grafted into the lead role (I don't mean to be racist, but this element drives me incredibly mad) and a jeans-sized joke is meant to save it all. I’m willing to admit that it has two or three flashes of style and decent closing credits, but otherwise, I’m glad it never made it to movie theaters in the Czech Republic. (12/03/2010)

I don't know why, but I kept thinking as I watched this: "I'd do better to read some Anita Blake.", even though it has nothing to do with the subject matter, apparently the omnipresent splashing, spurting, blinding blood made me associate it with Guilty Pleasures. It was boring. Terrible. It looks a bit like a rip-off of Kill Bill (see the blood, the katanas), but worse. They made poor Bi (Rain) into an absolutely unattractive dude, so there was nothing to watch here (I'm not into black cats, and I'm not impressed with older men so far, so there was REALLY nothing to watch here). Too bad she survived. Good thing I survived. The music isn’t worth mentioning, it's nothing special. The effects? Well, the effects were there, but just enough to amuse the rabbits. The only thing I have to appreciate about it is what you couldn't even see in the film – the diligence with which they learned and prepared everything. I saw a video of them practicing some fight scenes for the film and it made me want to watch it. Well, I wouldn't have gone wrong if I had just stuck with their "rehearsal" video. Fortunately, it's only 99 minutes long. And such a shame that it's from the director who gave me such a great Vendetta :-) (17/02/2010)

With this type of film, one does not expect an intelligent script, but even within its genre, the film is below average and obvious stupidity radiates from it for miles. If it excels in anything, it is a highly above-average dose of brutality, where ketchup splatters to the delight of tomato plantation owners in all directions, and severed limbs fly through the air like fireworks on New Year's Eve. Within its category, the film has decent actors who not only showcase action but are also capable of expressing emotions. Otherwise, it is a collection of the most clichéd genre stereotypes. Overall impression: 10%. (16/06/2010)