Machete

The star of Machete is neither Danny Trejo – Machete nor even Danny Trejo – Gardener. I acknowledge that this guy has cult status as an acting legend of one particular subgenre, but that doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t know how to act. He only knows how to grimace. The true stars of Machete are the numerous and superbly cast villains, among whom any viewer can find the right “badass motherfucker” of their choice. For me it was Don Johnson hiding behind a pair of huge sunglasses. I also liked Steven Seagal, who truly relished his part. 2010 seems to be the year of good old (or obsolete) action heroes. Robert Rodriguez conceived Machete in an orgasm-inducing epic fashion and you’ll probably remember more scenes from this than from Planet Terror. But it lacks dialogue gems with cult potential, as well as the presence of another nutjob character with the face of the great Mr. Q. T.. (01/10/2010)

Machete is one of those action movies that do not provoke or offend me, but honestly speaking, they don't particularly impress me either. The exaggeration is to blame for the former, which is likable and allows me to forgive the traditional shallowness of the action movie script. As for the latter, it's due to the stereotype, because Rodriguez keeps filming the same thing over and over again, and I admit that he earned most of my sympathy with his amateur debut made for a few hundred dollars. Moreover, casting someone like Danny Trejo in the lead role is more than daring, because he is a strictly typecast actor who can handle small roles, but fails miserably when it comes to delivering something substantial in a big ensemble. The script is traditionally shallow and simply exploits the established action clichés, beautiful girls, cynical killers, and a bulletproof action hero. It has all been done a thousand times before. Overall impression: 50%. (08/03/2011)

One question: Why isn't Tarantino in Machete? Now to the film. If I have to compare it to Planet Terror, Rodriguez's first grindhouse is better. Unfortunately, there is nothing in Machete that I didn't expect. Chopped off hands, gallons of blood, pretty to beautiful women and girls, their exposed breasts, the word "fuck" used so many times you can't even count them, jumping out of a window by your intestines... It's pleasantly wacky and crazy. But it's not original anymore, and it lacks juicy dialogue. Danny Trejo, of course, shoots, stabs, cuts with a machete and a wheedwhacker, Robert De Niro and Steven Seagal perform the same function as Bruce Willis in Planet Terror... But it's boring and not funny. (22/10/2010)

So, that little grindhouse flick that was shadowed by Stallone’s The Expendables turned out to be something completely outrageous that knows no limits. A perfect dose of trash and self-awareness. Trejo! Seagal! Alba! De Niro! Fahey! Lohan! Rodriguez! Rodriguez! While The Expendables fool around… (27/09/2010)

With similarly tuned retro images, it is difficult to find a reasonable line between piety, parody and seriousness, if I paraphrase the words of one of the protagonists: Machete didn't cross the line, the line crossed Machete. This film is the most entertaining and dullest spectacle I can imagine in the genre. If I’d had it on VHS in the 1980s, I’d undoubtedly have long hair, a black mustache and a sharpened machete. And a girl with one eye. [85%] (10/09/2010)