Necrotongue

I approached this movie with a hint of skepticism but those worries quickly dissipated. The storyline didn't exactly break new ground, but it wasn't half bad. If you're familiar with your fair share of mafia movies, whether they're from the West or the East, you pretty much know what to expect here. I braced myself for potential over-the-top performances and exaggerated emotions, but thankfully, that wasn't the case. Instead, I found myself diving into the gritty world of Japanese organized crime, where the police pretended not to be in the yakuza's grip, and the yakuza pretended not to be secret agents. Trust me, it all came together on the screen. What really impressed me, though, were the performances. Most of the cast delivered solid portrayals, with the dynamic duo stealing the show. While the film wasn't exactly fast-paced, it still managed to maintain a steady momentum, keeping me engaged with well-executed action sequences and just the right amount of tension. The atmosphere was on point too, adding an extra layer of immersion to the experience. / Lesson learned: A Japanese party with people singing The Internationale was a first for me.

Detroit's urban decay alone is haunting enough without the need for boogiemen, monsters, or mutants to spice things up. Yet, that's exactly where this film takes us. Surprisingly, it's not about the inhabitants of the city, human or otherwise, but rather centers around a single house. In that regard, the movie had promise, weaving together three distinct storylines. However, the monster itself was pretty underwhelming. It's the kind of thing that might leave the average American reaching for the ammonia, but for me, it just felt like a letdown. I couldn't help but think, "Really?" I was disappointed that the three narratives didn't intertwine in a more inventive manner. There was potential here, but it felt like the creators took the easy route. And as we all know, the path of least resistance seldom leads to greatness. It's a shame because this film had all the makings of thriller with potential. But when Justin Long popped up on screen, I had a sinking feeling. You know the drill - Jeepers Creepers, Tusk... / Lesson learned: Unpleasant places might seem cozier in the dark. 3*+

Upon reading the official synopsis, I was bracing myself for a romantic drama, especially considering the listed genre. However, it seems my assumptions were more aligned with Western storytelling conventions. Korean cinema had a surprise in store for me. While romance did have its place in the narrative, it was approached in a refreshingly different manner. The blend of genres worked wonders, and despite my initial reservations, I found myself thoroughly engaged throughout. Hoon-jung Park crafted a film that seamlessly alternated between peaceful drama and heart-pounding action, punctuated by moments of exploration into the human psyche and visceral scenes of bloodshed. It was an exhilarating ride from start to finish, leaving me thoroughly entertained. / Lesson learned: Killing out of necessity looks completely different than when someone really enjoys it.

There's something about violent teenage girls that intrigues me in a twisted sort of way. Call it a bizarre fascination or perhaps my next guilty pleasure. If I'm to be punished for it, consider it done. I sat through this Japanese film, enduring the onslaught of action scenes that seemed to drown out any semblance of a coherent storyline. Hits, kicks, hacks, cuts, stabs, shots – you name it, they threw it in there. It was action for the sake of action, a mindless barrage that left me desperately craving substance. Yet, I soldiered on, determined to see it through to the end credits if only to prove my own resilience. The movie was a train wreck in every sense of the word (well, okay, the visuals and sound were passable). The Japanese cast seemed to be veering between exaggerated performances and attempts at humor that fell flat. It was nonsense of the highest order. / Lesson learned: When in danger, don't forget to move around a lot.

Let me tell you, it was quite the ride. Now, I wouldn't exactly recommend this film to the average young viewer of today. It's the kind of story that might leave those who get anxious about an untied shoelace with lasting trauma. And don't even get me started on trying to explain to them about a time when the closest thing we had to a touchscreen was a TV screen when we were dusting it. Back then, people actually talked to each other face-to-face. I can almost hear the collective gasp of horror from the touchscreen generation, so I'll spare them the agony and move right along. It's rare for me to stumble upon a film like this, one that leaves me struggling to find fault. Sure, there might be nitpicks here and there, but honestly, I couldn't be bothered to look for them. This is a genuine, human story about ordinary folks that steers clear of clichéd melodrama, and that's a rarity these days. Oh, and let's not forget to give props to Paul Giamatti – the man's a legend, as always. / Lesson learned: Librium will chase all the blues away. Even the Christmas ones.

So, I went into this expecting a Korean take on Mad Max. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the different direction the Korean creators decided to take. Rather than a cheesy parody of a killer road movie, they transformed Seoul's ruins into a North Korean re-education camp, which wasn't half bad, to be honest. I won't deny that I had some fun moments here and there. Sometimes, I found myself genuinely enjoying the ride, while other times, it left me wanting more. I think the film could have benefited from ditching the attempts at humor, which often felt forced and fell flat. Instead, it could have focused on further developing the mutants, who showed real potential. It was a pretty undemanding but decently enjoyable watch. / Lesson learned: No need to knock when you're packing a loaded shotgun. 3*+

Another wild ride from Kevin Smith, who, let's be honest, has a knack for serving up absolute lunacy. From dark humor to downright idiocy, he covers the spectrum in this one. The film's theme is twisted, to say the least. And while that wouldn't be a problem in itself, I found myself desperately waiting for something to jolt me awake for the most part. As for the rest of the movie, just forget about logic. Even a layman like me can tell you that some of the stuff just wouldn't fly. And then came Johnny Depp as Guy Lapointe, and it all went downhill from there. I initially thought I'd toss it a generous three stars, but two will more than suffice. / Lesson learned: Justin Long might've just found his life's role.

Japan is a land of contrasts, a place where ancient traditions coexist with the bustling energy of modern life. On one hand, there's the Japan of old, with its samurais, the Bushido code, and a shadowy underworld of the mafia. On the other, there's the vibrant, neon-lit Japan of today, brimming with anime and absorbing Western influences like a sponge. It's a cultural collision that can leave even the most seasoned traveler feeling like they've stumbled upon a sushi roll with a bit of everything thrown in. In this film, it feels like the director and screenwriter were among those foreigners, trying to cram every Japanese trope they'd ever heard of into one movie – and it didn't quite hit the mark. With borrowed elements from various action flicks such as Nikita, it struggled to find its own identity, leaving me skeptical from the get-go. Despite its shortcomings, I found myself oddly drawn to the film's often creative approach to violence. For maximum enjoyment, I recommend turning off your logic switch and embracing the chaos. / Lesson learned: Avoid touching anyone or anything affected by radiation! 3*-

Normally, I'd find myself wavering between two or three stars, but... The expectedly predictable plot took a slightly more intricate turn, albeit not without its flaws. I couldn't help but notice the creators' intentions peeking through, which dampened the surprise factor a tad. Still, I'll give credit where it's due — a well-intentioned effort deserves recognition. Gone are the days when Canadian thrillers were on the level of German comedies/porn —thankfully. Surprisingly, I found myself thoroughly enjoying the film, reveling in its grisly depiction of human anatomy being squished into blood puddles. While I wouldn't classify it as a horror per se, it delivered on the thrills, complete with the obligatory illogical character behaviors. But hey, that's part of the fun, right? / Lesson learned: You never know what will make you put on weight.

Ballerina had the potential to shine much brighter, but the Korean creators seemed to get lost in meaningless scenes instead of injecting more wild action, a livelier pace, and better camera work. While the story didn't break new ground – revenge journeys are a dime a dozen – I found the main heroine likable in her laconic demeanor, and the decent kill count kept things interesting, despite the often sluggish pace. Still, these elements weren't enough to earn a rating higher than three stars. However, I was pleased by the absence of unnecessary melodrama. In that regard, the creators made a wise choice, making it all the more disappointing that they faltered in other areas. / Lesson learned: Don't go running down corridors with a chainsaw revving.