Rock of Ages

The maker of this adaptation of the Broadway musical probably believed otherwise, but the truth is that calling a cliché a cliché doesn’t change the fact that it’s still a cliché. The hackneyed plot follows a girl from Ohio who is trying to make it in Hollywood. Though one of the characters makes fun of the familiarity of this situation right at the beginning, Rock of Ages does not in any way draw more attention to its faithfulness to naïve stories grounded in the 1980s. It only responds to the current crisis of values in an utterly calculated way by dusting off the American Dream in its purest form. ___ The path to fame thus isn’t disparaged because of its predictability, but it isn’t followed consistently enough to give nostalgic lovers of ’80s retro what they want. In conflict with the overall impression that the film aims to make, some scenes are entirely derisive of the symbols of the 1980s and the episodic narrative is “impure” in its modernism as it constantly and nonsensically switches focus from the protagonist to other characters. The film thus points out that it wasn’t made to tell a story, but to exploit the commercial potential of the idea of “let’s put together a bunch of rock ballads and a few famous actors.” ___ The songs are frequently used only to be heard, not as a means of commenting on the action and the famous faces are given space because it is (occasionally) fun to watch them,  not because their subplots would somehow sensibly complement the core of the story. Neither Cruise, Zeta-Jones, Cranston (whoever can justify the presence of the S&M scene for me will receive a guitar pick signed by Stacee Jaxx) or the duo of Baldwin and Brand are important enough to the main storyline to justify the amount of time that they are in front of the camera. Unfortunately, not only their characters, but also Sherrie and Drew, who should have been the primary focus of the film, are vacuous caricatures, mere wax figures from a museum of ’80s rock (an impression that is intensified by the large amount of make-up on their faces and spray in their hair). ___ So, why watch this film? Truthfully, no compelling reason comes to my mind. Shankman is not a capable enough director to capture the essence of an era or to convince viewers who know the rock hits used in the film only from playing Guitar Hero that living in the 1980s, wearing leather pants and listening to rock music was damn cool. This is the exact and only thing that Rock of Ages attempts to convey with its undisguised adoration of that decade’s culture and its slight criticism of what happened in the music industry with the rise of MTV (died-in-the-wool rockers might argue that real rock ‘n’ roll experienced its golden age a decade earlier). ___ With the values that it highlights and thematisation of the fight against the corruption of rock music, the film seems very out of date (which is absolutely true of the homosexual parody interlude). In terms of form and content, it has nothing that would drag it into the present. It constantly falls out of rhythm, the timing of the jokes is just bad (and you will know most of them from the trailer) and their coldness is dazzling (they are merely moronically tasteless), the offstage musical numbers are broken up by chaotic editing and the onstage numbers desperately lack a sense of drive, the young actors lack charisma and Cruise’s voice is resonant enough to make you believe he’s a rock legend. ___ Though a promising spectacle on paper, Rock of Ages is ultimately a musical celebrating a style that it fails to take entirely seriously, which causes me to accuse its creators of the same falseness that afflicts the film’s protagonists. The dominant impression is artificiality. Next time, it would be a good idea to focus more on what’s in the characters’ heads and why rather than what is on their heads. 50% (22/10/2012) (less) (more)