The Expendables 3

This movie is so terribly gay that if I were to unexpectedly walk into one of the RVs some night during filming, I believe I'd collide with an Italian Stallion clinging his powerful lips to the shaved nipple of a cute giggling Terry Crews, with Austrian-eyed Arnold rubbing a cigar on Statham's naked buttocks and Kellan Lutz with his pink lips behind the camera shooting the whole thing. The downgraded access to a PG13 rating has, among other things, traded blood for cold man sweat, and thanks to motivational bullshit like a gym coach, we suddenly have not an action movie in front of us, but a classic prepubescent muscle show for young Leo Beráneks. Logically, then, the best action scenes here are the skillful Banderas and Ronda, because they at least pretend to have some choreography. I don't think that the lower level of accessibility automatically reduces the functionality of the action scenes, just that for this action and the forms the filmmakers have chosen for it to it take (knives, machetes, close-range shooting), it doesn't work. Not even the LazyTown-esque special effects help. And as for Stallone and his old-man dragging of pensioner's dilemmas into an action movie, all I can say is "Sly, go to Pelhřimov. They have a crematorium there. Take a good look around. See what you're getting into." Actually, the whole thing reminded me of a pub owner I met recently who, when asked what kind of beer they had, said, "We’ve got Budvar. But I wouldn't have any." (07/12/2014)

The second one is just so good and has such great lines that the third one can't compare. It lacks Chuck Norris and a bit better interaction between the characters, those young ones are a bit unnecessary here, on the other hand, it would probably be even more boring story-wise. It's stretched out in some places, but when it comes to action, it's great, just there's not enough blood. Yes, I was expecting a little more, but for me, it's still a great spectacle that I enjoyed. The feelings are not like after the second one, but I'm still looking forward to the fourth part and I hope it comes. (14/08/2014)

This is not a tribute to the eighties, this is mindless and dull. There is no winking, only a rehash of annoying trademarks we used to smirk at in the past, but in a newer package. The frowning main character, the incredibly confusing and poorly edited action, a heap of amateur digital effects, and except for two or three shots, uninteresting full-contact fights with no trace of dynamics. If it had at least least half of the raw feeling of Bourne, I would happy. Truly disappointing. Only Antonio Banderas and the non-action chemistry between the main characters entertained me. But they didn't have to make an action movie for that. A live stream while having dinner in LA would have been enough. (23/08/2014)

Morons need friends. While the second installment surpasses the first one in mutating into long action orgies that can only be interrupted by a witty line or a minor plot twist, the last foray into 80s nostalgia surprisingly does the exact same thing. It doesn't stop, it doesn't take a breath, for two hours it throws various fighting tactics at the audience, all enveloped in a disgruntled retirement subplot. Moreover, Mel Gibson's unsettling ex-Expendable works brilliantly, especially because he isn't a villain in the classic sense of the word, but a guy whose nerves are on edge (though his own nerves occasionally lightly hold him back). Thanks to Sylvester Stallone's unbreakable buddy chemistry with anyone, this team of walking bulletproof vests managed to reach such heights. Considering the zero box office revenue, it will likely remain there – and considering the maximum satisfaction and sense of closure at the end credits, I can actually live with that. (20/08/2014)

After two years, I was finally able to meet up with this gang once again. The members might have changed a lot, but I’m okay with that. Wesley Snipes and Antonio Banderas were an amazing addition to the old crew and so the fun began. What was a little worse were the young actors who were difficult to get used to – well, I didn’t manage to do that and I’ll be happier if they weren’t there the next time. But maybe they’ll convince me that they’re worth it the next time, because this time, they couldn’t convince me due to the movie’s only real flaw: there’s loads of actions scenes, but you’re never able to grasp them enough to say that they were any good. I wouldn’t call the camera shaky, I just felt that the editing sucked. A lot. And that influenced the entire movie, which is why I can’t rate it with five stars. Because everything else was a total classic, it was what I wanted and what I was looking forward to. The scenes with Sly, Statham, Snipes, Banderas, Lundgren and Ford were priceless, too, just like Mel Gibson who has also become the best Expendables villain yet. We’ll see what they do next. I’m just hoping that the camerawork gets better and that the DVD rip won’t leak a whole month before the cinema premiere. Then it really makes me sad that the so-called action movies fans on this website download the movie, critique it, but won’t support their favorite actors at the cinema. I went to the cinema at the day of the Czech premiere and the movie already had over 2000 reviews! Go to hell, this gang doesn’t deserve that and they’ll go south if things continue like that. But go ahead and call yourselves “fans”. Oh, and by the way – you won’t believe how happy I was to see the Expendables drinking Czech beer. It was an outright joy. It’s a shame that the brewery won’t even brag about it properly. (15/08/2014)