Fifty Shades of Grey

When I stumble upon something every few years every time I enter a bookstore, sooner or later it starts to haunt me. Best of all in the form of a predictable romance, which transforms into something paradoxically embarrassing in approximately the third act. Paradoxical for the reason that anyone who has ever even marginally experimented with intimate play probably covers more in an evening than the entire contract of Mr. Grey contains. And embarrassing purely because the main heroine is the impossible Ana played by the equally impossible Dakota Johnson. On the other hand, Jamie Dornan, no matter how unplayable his role is, can recite all the madness that has been crammed into the script from the original with a fierce expression and surprising dignity. It just saddens me how much hype is and will be surrounding such a fatally unnecessary spectacle. If there really was only that Xbox lying in Christian's playroom, we would all be much better off. (19/03/2015)

A film with no plot, no emotion, and no attempt to evoke sympathy for characters that are never plunged into their controversial intimate relationship deeper than the writing of a superficial sexual contract, and only fool around a few times in a cool luxury mansion without any hint of an erotic atmosphere. This should have been given to Stanley Kubrick, whose Eyes Wide Shut, with its creative work with mise-en-scène and precise direction of the "horny" actors, kicks this pointless bullshit right in the ass. A pointless film without a single memorable scene or creative visual idea that would at least somehow spice up and highlight the routine action on the screen. Two stars solely for Dakota, whose acting is believable, and for two nicely done erotic scenes, which, if nothing else, at least aptly characterised the entire formal level of the film: something between an attempted artistic look at NOTHING and a superficial presentation of SOMETHING, which is only marginally glimpsed and will catch on at most as a useful tool for students at a film high school. 40% (10/10/2015)

I'll admit right at the beginning that I went to see Fifty Shades of Grey in the most ironic mood, because I thought it would be a good idea not to have a good time on Friday the 13th, and this film literally called for it, starting from what I heard from people who had read the book, to the numerous ads everywhere, to the first reviews here, all of which piqued my curiosity even more. I honestly expected this film to be much worse. In terms of the script, it was absolutely mismanaged. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I haven't read the book, so I don't know how things work there, but I had to laugh at some of the actors' statements, even if the scene in question was probably meant to be taken seriously, which it really wasn't. This impossible to ignore shortcoming was balanced, on the other hand, by a really great soundtrack – “Love Me Like You Do” by Ellie Goulding played in my ears daily for at least a week before the premiere. At times it reminded me of a bad Twilight parody, which is actually a parody in itself, so let's call it a meta-parody. Nevertheless, I don't want to give it a Boo! rating, because there were several funny scenes, the music was perfect, and it wasn't actually as mindlessly erotic as one would expect. In short, a film that will earn its money at least through advertising and various promotional items, but will still draw lots viewers (at least female) to the cinemas, so despite its obvious mediocrity, this film will soon see a sequel. (16/02/2015)

So I watched it and surprising I don’t have the urge to trash this modern romance. In the end, this dumb (not as cute as in the Transformers) and senseless story comes to some conclusion. Quite surprising, if you didn’t watch the spoilers. It doesn’t even completely slip into an outright American Pie. In terms of actors, this a terrible bunch of unlikeable people, the only one who is sort of nice is (that pathologically disturbed) Mr. Grey. My girlfriend fell asleep after the first kiss and I dropped of when I thought that it must already be the end (about 10 minutes before it really ended). I finished watching on Labor Day. Everything taken care of now. P.S.: Elfman’s music was very pleasant. (01/05/2015)

Music good, cinematography awkward, equally awkward performance by Jamie Dornan. Dakota was still okay, but nothing great under the sun. The beginning was really a mouthful, I thought I wouldn't be able to finish it, but I endured simply because of masochism. An erotic film that tries to have some psychological overtones, but that gets pretty lost in the superficial beginning and middle (god I was getting hysterical fits of laughter at some of the dialogue and "thrills"). Basically, it only starts to get interesting at the end, when Ana realizes that she's not very happy, she starts to have her doubts about the whole sex trip. Despite all the stupid lines, and a couple of fairly well played verbal exchanges, it wasn't the horrible movie I thought it would be in the end. (13/04/2015)